Obama won last week. I can hardly write it without tearing up. its taken me so long to process what this means while trying to access how it feels...and though the word is larger than life, somehow Hope doesn't encompass it all.
It means we still live in a country where anything really can happen. Where I really can tell both my son AND my daughter that they can be whatever they want to be-- even President. It means we are more alike than we thought. It means most of us still care, still believe in the promise that this country made to us, and still feel pride when we see the American flag. It means that though I live in the middle of a metropolitan city, I can still feel so much joy at that moment that I hug and cry with every stranger I see.
We were here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qL-CgzQ0FY
How do you capture that kind of joy again? That one man, this new President, has brought that in people even if just for a moment in time -- well that is worth my vote a thousand times over.
Godspeed, President Obama. The world is yours, and we are there to be on your team. Don't stop believing, indeed!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
A note to K
You are growing so fast, my sweet boy. You face life head on with so much enthusiasm, but that means you will be ready to leave me sooner than I might like. When I first sent you to PK you were only 3 years old. You stood by the window crying as I left for the first 6 weeks. Your stubbornness and your pure love of me kept you standing there for weeks longer than I might have expected. Once I finally convinced you I was coming back, you began to wave. You would stand in your spot in the basement school and look up at me with those big blue trusting eyes and wave like crazy, blowing me kisses. And finally, a tap on your heart to show me you loved me, never taking your eyes off of me. I always had to walk away first. Towards the end of the year, you would sometimes wander off before me. But not always.
This year you give me a quick kiss, hug your sister, and run off. I look down at the window sometimes when I leave but you are never there. You are busy, as you should be, and I already miss your 3-year-old self. But I will always feel that tap on my heart when I part from you.
This year you give me a quick kiss, hug your sister, and run off. I look down at the window sometimes when I leave but you are never there. You are busy, as you should be, and I already miss your 3-year-old self. But I will always feel that tap on my heart when I part from you.
Monday, September 22, 2008
A little easier
School started again, and, its a little easier this year. Kade is ready to go each day-- especially if he can be the "first one there" (everything is a competition). He is learning so quickly, its only week 3 and he has come home having absorbed the four seasons, how to write his name and some spanish (!). Ryen has to go one day by herself and one day with me, and she's not fan of the parting. But she does okay. Its me who doesnt like it. I see it all before me, the little steps away leading to the big steps away and then, they're gone. I'm not hoping in any case for them to be here at 25, but instead for them to stay 4 and 2 forever.
But its a little easier for me too. Its easier because they are happy to go, and they are learning and growing, and I know I would be holding them back if they didn't go. And that's my job, after all. I only wish my job would get a little easier.
But its a little easier for me too. Its easier because they are happy to go, and they are learning and growing, and I know I would be holding them back if they didn't go. And that's my job, after all. I only wish my job would get a little easier.
Monday, June 23, 2008
These Are The Days
"You stayed around your children as long as you could, inhaling the ambient gold shavings of their childhood, and at the last minute you tried to see them off into life and hoped that the little piece of time you'd given them was enough to prevent them from one day feeling lonely and afraid and hopeless. You wouldn't know the outcome for a long time."
-- Meg Wolitzer, The Ten Year Nap
Each day, I feel it slipping away. My babies are toddlers and preschoolers already-- little still, but getting old enough to not always want to hold my hand. But their ecstatic joy at my mere presence is, I hope, enough for me to treasure this journey for the long term and not always pine for These Days. But sometimes I think These are The Days-- the unselfconscious laughter, faithful trust, wholehearted affection, total honesty and unabashed question asking-- these are the days I was made to be a mama.
This, I am good at. This, my kids revel and blossom in.
And what tomorrow brings...for that I can only hope. We will stay around as long as we can-- inhaling and inhaling and inhaling.
-- Meg Wolitzer, The Ten Year Nap
Each day, I feel it slipping away. My babies are toddlers and preschoolers already-- little still, but getting old enough to not always want to hold my hand. But their ecstatic joy at my mere presence is, I hope, enough for me to treasure this journey for the long term and not always pine for These Days. But sometimes I think These are The Days-- the unselfconscious laughter, faithful trust, wholehearted affection, total honesty and unabashed question asking-- these are the days I was made to be a mama.
This, I am good at. This, my kids revel and blossom in.
And what tomorrow brings...for that I can only hope. We will stay around as long as we can-- inhaling and inhaling and inhaling.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Balance
I was in a yoga class last night and the teacher announced we were doing the position "Crow". Yeah, right, i thought-- maybe YOU are doing the position crow, but I'd rather not fall on my face. I sat.
Then she stopped. She talked about how fear holds us back. Asking our body to do something it doesnt usually do causes a sense of fear, she said, and I listened. Then she gracefully talked us thru what it should feel like each step of the way...and I was doing crow! Maybe it wasnt so beautiful, but there I was, with the weight of my body balanced on the back of my arms in perfect symmetry with the rest of my body. Victory!
This morning my yoga mat was still out, so Kade wanted to see what yoga looked like. I showed him some stretches...MORE! he said. So I showed him more...he mirrored my moves in a way that only a 4 year olds' body can effortlessly do. And only a 4 year olds' mind can embrace in a world where fear doesn't exist, and if mom is there, then all is well.
Balance. Fear. Victory.
Morning. noon. Night.
Childhood. Parenthood. Old Age.
All is well.
Then she stopped. She talked about how fear holds us back. Asking our body to do something it doesnt usually do causes a sense of fear, she said, and I listened. Then she gracefully talked us thru what it should feel like each step of the way...and I was doing crow! Maybe it wasnt so beautiful, but there I was, with the weight of my body balanced on the back of my arms in perfect symmetry with the rest of my body. Victory!
This morning my yoga mat was still out, so Kade wanted to see what yoga looked like. I showed him some stretches...MORE! he said. So I showed him more...he mirrored my moves in a way that only a 4 year olds' body can effortlessly do. And only a 4 year olds' mind can embrace in a world where fear doesn't exist, and if mom is there, then all is well.
Balance. Fear. Victory.
Morning. noon. Night.
Childhood. Parenthood. Old Age.
All is well.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Four Years Ago
its 10:05 PM. Four years ago, I was pushing. And yelling. And anxiously awaiting what would happen in just over 60 minutes-- 11:17pm, to be exact, which would forever change my life. It is when I would become a mom.
My little man was born 4 years ago today. In that little body is every miracle I've ever believed in-- that of life and love and individuality and imagination and character and challenge and laughter and proof of God. I watch in awe as he becomes. I hold on as he grows. I cherish as he tests his courage. I hold my breath as he spreads his wings. I count my blessings each moment.
Yes, even those moments when he says (imagine the tone)-"FINE! MOM. DONT SAY THAT!" (sassy boy). Or "Mom! Don't sing" (bossy man), and even my favorite and most original- "no"-- because I know somewhere deep in my being that even this is only for now. I will cease to be the center of his world one day too soon, but he will never cease to be mine.
Happy Birthday, my little one. May you continue to be you-- you perfect boy.
My little man was born 4 years ago today. In that little body is every miracle I've ever believed in-- that of life and love and individuality and imagination and character and challenge and laughter and proof of God. I watch in awe as he becomes. I hold on as he grows. I cherish as he tests his courage. I hold my breath as he spreads his wings. I count my blessings each moment.
Yes, even those moments when he says (imagine the tone)-"FINE! MOM. DONT SAY THAT!" (sassy boy). Or "Mom! Don't sing" (bossy man), and even my favorite and most original- "no"-- because I know somewhere deep in my being that even this is only for now. I will cease to be the center of his world one day too soon, but he will never cease to be mine.
Happy Birthday, my little one. May you continue to be you-- you perfect boy.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I cannot live this way
"Fall out, fall out with the rest of your brothers
with the rest of your sisters,
the heroes on the line...
and carry out what your leader says for what his leader says
is that his leader says, this is right for the people...
Smoke and explosions surround me
A flood of hate it drowns me,
I cannot live this way, no I cannot live with this
Doubt and confusion they find me
They run up right behind me...
I cannot die this way, no I will not die this way."
(excerpted from Brendan James' "Hero's Song", BODY OF WAR soundtrack)
I heard the song first. I was driving by myself, and it brought tears to my eyes and shivers to my spine. Then I saw the movie.
the official description of it goes something like this:
"Body of War is an intimate and transformational feature documentary about the true face of war today. Meet Tomas Young, 25 years old, paralyzed from a bullet to his spine - wounded after serving in Iraq for less than a week. Body of War is Tomas' coming home story as he evolves into a new person, coming to terms with his disability and finding his own unique and passionate voice against the war. It unfolds on two parallel tracks. We see Tomas evolving into a powerful voice against the war as he struggles to deal with the complexities of a paralyzed body. And we see the debate unfolding in the Congress about going to war in Iraq, and hear one man (Senator Robert Byrd, D-WV) stand against the others in defending the constitution in the face of rampant scare tactics and bullying."
My description of it is a little less eloquent, but goes more like this:
This film is amazing, life changing and complex. Tomas is funny, and I laughed with him. He is also tragic and forgotten and symbolic, and I cried for him. It reminded me of so many things I already knew: that we're all just people sharing one country; that that country is great but has been lost; that if we don't pay attention and stand up for something, we will -- as my mother always said-- fall for anything; and that i've been so afraid that my voice will be unheard that I stopped speaking.
Producer Phil Donahue was on hand to answer questions but mostly to tell us to GET PEOPLE TO GO SEE THIS FILM. No one will distribute it or put their label on it-- the only way it will succeed is if you get others to come with you, talk about it and keep the conversation going. Don't be quiet. Be informed and compassionate but firm-- this war must stop.
We cannot continue to live this way.
(www.bodyofwar.com)
with the rest of your sisters,
the heroes on the line...
and carry out what your leader says for what his leader says
is that his leader says, this is right for the people...
Smoke and explosions surround me
A flood of hate it drowns me,
I cannot live this way, no I cannot live with this
Doubt and confusion they find me
They run up right behind me...
I cannot die this way, no I will not die this way."
(excerpted from Brendan James' "Hero's Song", BODY OF WAR soundtrack)
I heard the song first. I was driving by myself, and it brought tears to my eyes and shivers to my spine. Then I saw the movie.
the official description of it goes something like this:
"Body of War is an intimate and transformational feature documentary about the true face of war today. Meet Tomas Young, 25 years old, paralyzed from a bullet to his spine - wounded after serving in Iraq for less than a week. Body of War is Tomas' coming home story as he evolves into a new person, coming to terms with his disability and finding his own unique and passionate voice against the war. It unfolds on two parallel tracks. We see Tomas evolving into a powerful voice against the war as he struggles to deal with the complexities of a paralyzed body. And we see the debate unfolding in the Congress about going to war in Iraq, and hear one man (Senator Robert Byrd, D-WV) stand against the others in defending the constitution in the face of rampant scare tactics and bullying."
My description of it is a little less eloquent, but goes more like this:
This film is amazing, life changing and complex. Tomas is funny, and I laughed with him. He is also tragic and forgotten and symbolic, and I cried for him. It reminded me of so many things I already knew: that we're all just people sharing one country; that that country is great but has been lost; that if we don't pay attention and stand up for something, we will -- as my mother always said-- fall for anything; and that i've been so afraid that my voice will be unheard that I stopped speaking.
Producer Phil Donahue was on hand to answer questions but mostly to tell us to GET PEOPLE TO GO SEE THIS FILM. No one will distribute it or put their label on it-- the only way it will succeed is if you get others to come with you, talk about it and keep the conversation going. Don't be quiet. Be informed and compassionate but firm-- this war must stop.
We cannot continue to live this way.
(www.bodyofwar.com)
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