Maybe

Tomorrow I embark on a 3-day walk to raise money for breast cancer. I can’t think of why. I mean-- I know this is a great cause and I know I believe in it and feel good about what I am doing, but I am not highly motivated by the cause alone (this is the first time I’ve admitted to that).

My aunt had breast cancer, but unlike some of my friends, I don’t live in fear of it. I may or may not get it. If I do, I will get rid of it. I’ve always believed that…so maybe this is my way of thanking them for that option.

As I’ve walked, I’ve felt resistance from my body. My 2 children in 2 years, tired, aging body. Maybe this is a way to tell it I’m still in charge. I don’t know for sure if that will prolong my life, but I can hope so. That in pushing it and telling it what to do, someday I’ll see my grandchildren do the same.

And I’ve been astonished by my support. The thank yous, the donations, the words of encouragement, the pride they place on my shoulders. Maybe I needed to see this gift for myself—this ever-present gift of community, of friendship, of love that we have built through the years.

Maybe I also need to thank the Walk for that.

Or maybe I just need to thank the universe for letting my body do this…for giving me the love and support to do so…for my family for giving me the time to find out I could do it…for the ladies and men who need someone like me to walk for them, because they cannot…for all it of being here for the taking.

Maybe I do know why.